His Heart Leapt Alive And Shook Him To Pieces
by Nosferatu's Cigarette Binge
Summary: This story crosses 4 characters from the TV series: Hamish Macbeth, Taggart and Rab C. Nesbitt. It gives you a look at what happened to the lovely Davina -played by David Tennant - on the R.C. Nesbitt episode "Touch" and Jamie McComack from the Taggart -episode "Death Call" - after they both start working for Mr. Elder - AKA Hamish Macbeth's TV John - at his Pharmacy.


**Disclaimer: **I do not claim to own any rights to the characters or television series named in this story.  
**A.N. **This story combines characters from three different television series: _Taggart, Hamish Macbeth_ and _Rab C. Nesbitt._

* * *

_Info..._

Ralph Raich portrayed TV John McIver in _Hamish Macbeth_ and had a role in an episode of _Taggart_, titled _Death Call_, in which he played a chemist named Gavin Elder. His assistant was a young lad named Jamie McCormack. Gavin fired Jamie because he was suspected of murder, I believe, but later re-hired him after he was found not guilty. Gavin _is_ TV John in my story, as you'll read. His life on _Taggart_ was TV John's life before he moved to Lochdubh.

Brian Pettifer portrayed Rory Campbell on _Hamish Macbeth_ and Andra Binnie on _Rab C. Nesbitt_. Andra and his pals were known to frequent a bar, and in this bar they met a temporary barmaid named Davina (played by David Tennant) in an episode titled _Touch_. I've made Rory and Andra the same person in this instance only.

All series were filmed within ten years of each other.

_Taggart: Death Call_ (1986)

_Rab C. Nesbitt: Touch_ (1993)

_Hamish Macbeth_ (1995)

*** **I want to make it clear that I am not making fun of Davina's desire for a sex change operation.

* * *

**A**fter her temporary job as a barmaid ended, Davina went in search of a better life. For months she'd made ends meet by taking odd jobs in the small towns she'd passed through. None of them had enough appeal to anchor her. She'd even lived out of doors for a short while, walking the moors in her waking hours like a ghost. But she couldn't continue living as a vagabond, for she desperately needed money for a sex change operation. Thankfully, in the midst of one of her travels, she spotted a sign outside a small pharmacy that read: _Help wanted: full-time job. Enquire within._

_Eh, might as well give it a go. _She thought, shrugging her shoulders.

Davina found her boss, Gavin Elder, to be very kind, even if he was a little flirtatious and overbearing at times. Davina had dealt with far worse, and he never once questioned her sexuality.

For the first time in ages, she felt secure and happy, especially since she now had the means to save for the surgery that would finally make her feel like a whole woman.

~o~o~

"Now, Davina, do you think you have the store memorized good and proper?" Gavin Elder asked, her after she'd been in training for a couple of days.

"Yes sir, I believe I do." Davina smiled confidently.

"Let's hear you list where everything is then, just as a test."

"Um, let's see... ointments are over here to the left," she pointed, "bandages are on panel four, shelf three, beneath the cough-drops," she pointed again. "Baby formula is on panel five shelf seven, dental floss is currently on display in the middle of aisle three and sanitary nap-"

"That's good enough Davina, I think you have it," Gavin interrupted, clearing his throat.

"Oh, I'm ever so glad," Davina sighed, looking into his eyes.

"Aye, you've been a good lass. I'm so glad to have ya working in the store while that crooked lad Jamie is away. Sometimes I think that boy is more trouble then he's worth."

"Well, I wouldn't know. I've never met him." She pouted and brushed some lint off her white lace dress.

"No, you wouldn't. You're not a bad sort like Jamie McCormack! He kicked over mah trinket stand you know!"

"So I've heard." Davina had indeed lost track of how many times she'd heard it.

"Aye, that Jamie is going to have to make up for his many wrongs once he gets back from his vacation."

"Where did he go anyway?"

"Agh, I don't know... " he rubbed his stomach. "Oh, I Think it would be best if we didn't mention him. He's making my stomach ache so."

"Tsk, we can't have your tum hurting." Davina bit her lip.

"Davina-" Gavin's voice was full of emotion as touched her shoulder. "Ooh my lass, you're as thin as a wee twig! You need to put some meat on those bones."

"Hmm, I've never had any complaints before TV John." Davina looked into his eyes and ran her tongue over her teeth flirtatiously.

Gavin mumbled, shaken by her salacious ways before realizing what she'd called him. "Wait a minute, what you on about girl? My name isn't TV John."

"Well, do you mind if I call you TV John?" she asked, fingering the lapel on his lab jacket. Gavin gingerly surveyed her physique before he submissively answered. "I don't see why not."

"You've been such a good teacher, TV John, maybe you could help guide me in a few other things..." she purred suggestively.

"I doubt a beautiful lass like you would need any guidance from an old fella like me."

"Oh away." She playfully pushed his chest with one hand.

Gavin Leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, when he heard the loud creaking of the shop door open and a customer come in.

Gavin turned around and started to recite his usual speech of "Hello, what can I do to help you?" when he saw that the person who had interrupted his and Davina's intimate moment, was none other than that sonsie fiend Jamie McCormack.

"Jamie, you're back from your vacation already?" Gavin asked in shock as Jamie staggered up to the counter.

"Ooch, I had an awful time. I didn't see any reason to prolong my misery by staying."

"That's too bad," Gavin said insincerely.

"My girlfriend Kathleen left me."

"Oh?" Gavin mumbled.

"She left because of all the emotional distress she suffered after my problem with the police. She said she just couldn't cope with it anymore and broke up over the phone."

"Yeah, yeah," Gavin wasn't listening. "So I suppose you've come back for your old job right?"

Jamie looked at him as if he were crazy. "Of course!"

"Well, I'm afraid while you were off frolicking with the fairies through hell and high water, Mordor or, or... wherever folk like you take off to on vacay, someone better suited waltzed in, and has been doing an absolute smash-bang job... Oh, now don't be givin' me that look Jamie boy, you still have a job here, just not at the same rank."

"This isn't fair. I'm allowed so much time off a year-" Jamie grumbled.

"You should have thought about that before you kicked over me trinket stand!" Gavin raised his index finger threateningly. Jamie didn't have time to respond because a noise erupted from the back room. It sounded as though a box, or something along the likes, had taken a tumble. Undoubtedly all Davina's doing from being upset over the fellas getting riled up, bless her.

"Davina! Come in here and meet your co-worker!" Gavin called out.

"Just a minute TV John," she trilled from the back room.

"TV John?" Jamie repeated.

"Never you mind," Gavin said under his breath.

Davina gracefully entered the room, looking to Gavin with a grin, but as soon as her eyes landed on the face of Jamie McCormack she stopped dead in her tracks and allowed an even wider and more salacious smile to creep across her lips as she looked him over appreciatively.

"Hello there, I'm Davina!" she said in a sexy voice, whipping her hair over her shoulder dramatically.

"Um, it's a p-pleasure, I'm Jamie," he stammered, holding his hand out for her to shake.

"Oh, so you're Jamie McCormack! Well, I never... you were in trouble with the police were you not?"

"Yes, but I wasn't guilty."

"No, you were just caught with your breeks down." Gavin laughed.

"How do you know tha-" Jamie started to ask but was interrupted by Davina.

"Oh, Jamie, never you mind him. I can tell by looking in those eyes that you aren't guilty of a thing." She moved in slightly closer and raised an eyebrow. "Not yet anyway."

Gavin cleared his throat. "Yes, well. Davina is going to be working behind the counter with me. Jamie, you're now the stock boy!"

"What?!"

"Yes, That's right. You're lucky I took you back after you kicked over mah trinket stand... a-and got in trouble with the law. Not many people would have been as kind."

"But I was wrongly accused!"

"Nevertheless, you had trouble with the law and that is not kindly looked upon by folks in these parts. They won't trust you to deal out their medicine... So are you keepin' the job or not?"

Jamie sighed, "Yes... I guess so. Just until something better comes along."

Davina smiled and stepped from behind the counter so that she might speak on a more personal level with Jamie. "I'm so glad you decided to stay Mr. McCormack."

"Please, call me Jamie," he said, blushing.

Gavin could see that his plan to instill jealously in Jamie had backfired terribly. He didn't at all like the way they were looking at each other and was quickly becoming possessive. He needed to put an end to their flirtation right then and there.

"Now, Jamie, Davina is going to be working behind the desk with me. You're not to talk to her while on duty, do you understand?"

"But what if there is an emergency?" Jamie asked.

"You should come to me. Leave Davina to do her job."

Davina, sensing hostility between the men, spoke so that a fight might be avoided.

"Why don't we get to work instead of standing around bickering like a bunch of old hens?" she nervously laughed. "Jamie, TV John will take you in the back room and show you what needs to be stocked while I tend the counter."

Jamie looked hatefully at Gavin who returned the same evil glare.

"Ooch, alright," Jamie mumbled.

"I'll see you in just a tick Davina my dear," Gavin said, looking longingly behind him as he and Jamie made their way to the stock room.

* * *

**N**ot much changed in Gavin Elder's Pharmacy in the months after Jamie came back from vacation. Davina and Gavin still dealt out the prescriptions, recommended things such as salves and chest rubs, and Jamie remained a stock boy because, as it turned out, a better job didn't come his way. Even if it had, he probably would have stayed on at the pharmacy simply to be near the delectable Davina.

* * *

Jamie was busy stocking after hours, with Davina and Gavin - when Davina, who stood on a step-ladder, let out a sultry moan. "Oooooh, could someone please help me? I can't seem to reach the top shelf."

Gavin rushed over to her aid, but she paid no heed to him because Jamie had run up on the opposite side. She never saw Gavin, for once her eyes fell on Jamie, he was the only soul in the room beside herself.

"I'll help you Davina," Jamie said, taking her hand as she stepped from the ladder.

"Oh, thank you Jamie. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here." She fanned herself with the back of her hand, over-heated by the sight of Jamie.

Jamie took Davina's place on the ladder as she looked on in adoration.

Gavin retreated behind the counter once more. Sulky and neglected, he took a seat and began to breeze through pages of a celebrity gossip rag. He wasn't staying after hours to actually do any work. He just wanted to keep an eye on Davina and that derelict Jamie.

* * *

The next day

* * *

Gavin sleepily opened an eye and looked at his alarm clock. To his horror, the clock read 7:30 am. He always made a point of showing up at least a half-hour early, but today he would be late, which meant Jamie and Davina had been by themselves for a whole 30 minutes! Oh dear God, no! He jumped from bed and dressed as quickly as he could. Driving to work at record speeds, his mind formed the worst images it possibly could. When he finally made it to the pharmacy, he unlocked the door, only to find the business empty.

Furious, Gavin stormed off to the back room. He didn't see hide nor hair of Jamie and Davina, but stood still for a moment trying to think of what to do next. All of a sudden, he heard a faint noise coming from the store-room. Not wishing to alert the perpetrator - he walked quietly, and peeped around the corner. With the same shock as falling though ice in sub-zero temperatures, his eyes met Davina, who had Jamie pinned against the wall, locked in passionate embrace. Davina voraciously kissed Jamie's mouth and neck as he kissy- kissed her in an equal fierceness as she attacked him. To come right out with it, they both appeared to be down right indecent! Hmmph! Gavin was deeply shaken and stepped back, his heart pounding in his chest. He cursed himself for being such an old fool to think that Davina had feelings for him. Even though he always kept an eye on them, he never really expected them to go this far.

Depressed, he walked to the counter and rang the bell so that they would be alerted he was there. They both entered the room within minutes: disheveled and guilty. Gavin acted as though he hadn't seen them devouring each other.

"What were you thinking abandoning your posts?" he yelled.

"We... uh, we needed to get something from the back and Davina needed help... We put a sign on the door stating that we would be back in 10," Jamie stammered.

Gavin walked over to the door to see if they were telling the truth. With his back turned, Davina motioned to Jamie that he should wipe the smear of lipstick from his lips.

Gavin discovered that they were indeed telling the truth and wondered how he hadn't seen the sign before. He ripped it from the glass, and was just about to speak, when he heard that blasted front door creak open. Gavin decided oiling the door should be added to Jamie's already long to-do list.

A small, plump, balding man with a shiny red nose wandered in.

"Oh lord, I know that man. He used to badger me all the time at one of my old jobs," Davina said.

"Step in the back room Davina, I'll handle this," Gavin ordered. Davina, having no interest in talking to the fellow, took off, and Jamie started to follow her.

"McCormack, you stay here with me," Gavin warned.

Jamie cursed under his breath. "I just wanted to comfort her."

"Yes, that's what I'm afraid of," Gavin said, then turned to the strange little man. "What can we do for you sir?"

"Well, I'm trying to find something special. Uh, do you mind?" he looked towards Jamie who was listening to his every word.

"Of course not. I'll just got to the back room and give you some privacy," he smiled.

"Jamie," Gavin growled his name, but Jamie was long gone. He turned back to his doe-eyed customer. "Sorry, what seems to be the problem sir?"

The man looked from side to side to make sure that no one else was near, when he finally decided the cost was clear, he whispered in Gavin's ear. When he finished he backed away and blushed.

"Oh, well, we'll see what can get for that," Gavin muttered disgustedly.

Gavin found what he was asking for in no time at all and handed it to the man, who, deliriously happy, rocked back and forth on his heels.

"I've come all the way from Lochdubh because these darned things are so hard to come by. I have a shop of my own and couldn't even get them in stock. I was just going on a lark that I might find them here," he laughed.

"What ye going on about man? They're well-known in these parts."

"Well, Lochdubh is a rather remote community, I suppose. We're more to ourselves."

"Ye don't say?" Gavin muttered. "Tell me more about this 'Lochdubh'."

The little pink man's eyes misted over as he stared off to the heavens and began his speech. "Lochdubh is an almost magical place. I swear it's the most tight-knit community you'll ever know. You'll not find a prouder or friendlier soul then one from Lochdubh, aye. And you know, one thing you can depend on in Lochdubh are your friends. They will always be there for you no matter what. No matter how bad things get, no matter if you cheat, steal, nearly run someone over... no matter if someone accuses you of being the raspberry ripple thief, no matter how horrible and disgusting you might become, you'll always have a friend. You can always be yourself and not live in fear, because, dear sir, when you make a friend there, it is for life. My man! For life! The bar, oh, it just couldn't get any better. And, haha, don't get me started on the women! They are to die for! You haven't seen true beauty until you've seen this girl, Esmé. I'll tell you, someday I'm gonna make her mine. We also have this fantastic P.C. named Macbeth. You'd fall down on your knees just at the sight of him. He so macho. In my mind he's this rogue cowboy of the highlands. John Wayne has nothing on him. Tough as nails that lad," he sighed as if lost in a dream. Gavin sighed with him as his knees gave way a bit.

"This 'Lochdubh' seems too good to be true."

"It may seem that way, but all that I've said is the God's truth."

"I'd love to visit Lochdubh sometime. Would you please give me directions?"

"Oh yes, Gladly sir!" the man hurriedly wrote them on the gossip rag Gavin handed him.

Gavin looked at the writing and smiled. "Man, I feel as though I owe you a great debt. Could I please know your name? I'm Gav- well, you know what? I'm TV John," he extended his hand so that he could shake the other man's.

"TV John? I'm Rory Campbell. Pleasure to meet you."

"You as well."

"I hope to see you in Lochdubh soon."

"You will, man, you will. That is a promise!"

* * *

Two months later

* * *

"Davina, Jamie come in here!" TV John yelled from behind the counter.

"Yes, TV John, what is it?" Davina sweetly asked.

"This is rather hard for me say, but I'll just be out with it. I know that you two are an item."

"Oh, now Mr. Elder, I can explain," Jamie interrupted.

"Hold on, hold on. Let me finish. Davina, you are as bonny a lass as a man could ever wish to meet, and for a while, I'll admit I was foolish enough to think that I might have a chance with ye. But I'm not going to stand in the way of you twos getting together. I may not think well of you at times Jamie, but I know deep down you're a good lad and would never harm my- I mean Davina."

"Oh TV John." Davina's eyes teared up.

"Now, now," TV John cooed.

"Davina never meant to lead you on. She cannot help herself, she flirts with almost every man she sees. I've told her I can live with it as long as she doesn't act on any of the flirtation," Jamie explained.

"I'm so sorry TV John, I never meant to hurt you."

"I know ye didn't. I'm fine, really. Just hurt me pride a bit. But it's made me evaluate my life and I've realized for the first time in years that I'm not doing what I really want to. Do you honestly think I want to wile away me last days working in this pharmacy? No, I want to go out and be adventurous: I want to catch fish with me bare hands and sleep under the stars in a kilt - with a group of strange men. I want to go on a mythical trip through the highlands that seems like it came out of a bad episode of some fantasy show... I-I want to smell pomade before I die! But I really desire to live before I do so, and by God, I'm going to live!" he slammed his fist on the counter, before continuing. "Jamie, You've had the schooling and are more than qualified to handle the business. So I'm handing it over to you."

"What?"

"WITH the exception that you let Davina really be the one to run it. You may have the schooling, but she still has more brains then you'll ever have." TV John cackled.

Jamie frowned at first, but couldn't help but turn it into a smile for his old friend.

'Ye can't argue can ye?" TV John smirked. "I figure you two can make more money with your own business and all, so you can get married and start your own family."

"I can get my sex change operation!" Davina clapped her hands together and hugged Jamie.

"Y-you, Your sex change operation?" TV John stammered. "You're changing into a man Davina?"

"No, a woman silly." Davina playfully smacked his shoulder.

"You're a man? I cannot believe it." TV John blinked, still in shock. "And, and you're OK with this Jamie?"

"More than Ok." Jamie happily kissed Davina's cheek and placed his arm around her waist.

"What are you going to do now though, TV John?" Davina asked. "I mean, ye cannot read with your eyesight problem. Jamie and I have even had to help you write out the medicine instructions. Who is going to help you now?"

"I'll make do. Where I'm moving, it won't matter, people will like me with this hindrance or no. I've been going to this lovely town called Lochdubh on the weekends, and have living arrangements all set up and ready to go. I'll stick around to help you get the hang of managing the place, but after that, I'm gone. You can still feel free to visit me when you like though."

Davina ran over and hugged him. "You a lovely man TV John," she kissed him lightly on the lips.

Jamie wasn't at all happy pleased by the grin on TV John's face, so he ran over and kissed him full on the lips too.

"ACK! Jamie, what the hell!" TV John cried out.

_**Fin**_

* The title is a line from the E.M Forster novel _Maurice,_ Which I dearly love.


End file.
